Friendships

Friendship is an integral part of life; companionship has been etched in to our DNA throughout the evolution of our species.  So much of who we are as individuals is shaped and reflected by who we choose to spend time with, with emphasis on the idea of choice.  Friendship is an interesting concept because it is unique in that it is an ‘interpersonal relationship between two people that is mutually productive, with mutual positive regard.’  I think the academic understanding or interpretation of friendship is pretty powerful. It’s powerful in its simplicity, and in its implications.

The definition of a friendship is simpler than the relationship itself I am sure.  However, the idea of mutual productivity and mutual positive regard seems so simple, yet the idea is challenged all the time.  The cliché situation of a parent/guardian asking a teen or young adult if these people are really your friends has been littered throughout shows and movies, and in real life situations as well.  A friendship has to be mutually productive for both participants.  My understanding of this part of the definition is that a relationship has to be mutually beneficial on more than just a tangible level, not to discredit the exchange of tangible goods among friends.  If you are in a friendship that is a one way street of stress, anxiety or discomfort is it a real friendship.  It was a realization or me that people do not have friends that they don’t have a mutual positive regard for.  Whereas you can have family, officemates, peers that you dislike and even hate, but chances are you don’t have a friend you hate.  And, indeed that person would not even academically be able to be called your friend because they do not fit the criteria. 

The idea of a friendship criterion is followed by an understanding of what that means for how I interpret my relationships, and the relationships of others that I see.  If I see or am in a relationship must I apply the criteria to the situation to know what I am actually seeing, I think I must. 

This is, needless to say, an interesting topic for me to explore.  Friendship need and Types of friendships also peaked my interest.  The three types of friendships as described by Reisman, 1979, is a cool guide with which you can use to describe the life you live.  The three types of friendships are reciprocity, receptivity, and association. Reciprocal friendships are based on loyalty, warm feeling and a relationship of giving and receiving.  Receptive friendships are based on a power difference. Associative friendships are based on a casual relationship you might have.  This along with the variety of needs people have in their relationships, which are utility, ego support, stimulation, and security can paint a pretty accurate analyses of the relationships we will experience throughout the duration of our lives