Friendships

Friendship is an integral part of life; companionship has been etched in to our DNA throughout the evolution of our species.  So much of who we are as individuals is shaped and reflected by who we choose to spend time with, with emphasis on the idea of choice.  Friendship is an interesting concept because it is unique in that it is an ‘interpersonal relationship between two people that is mutually productive, with mutual positive regard.’  I think the academic understanding or interpretation of friendship is pretty powerful. It’s powerful in its simplicity, and in its implications.

The definition of a friendship is simpler than the relationship itself I am sure.  However, the idea of mutual productivity and mutual positive regard seems so simple, yet the idea is challenged all the time.  The cliché situation of a parent/guardian asking a teen or young adult if these people are really your friends has been littered throughout shows and movies, and in real life situations as well.  A friendship has to be mutually productive for both participants.  My understanding of this part of the definition is that a relationship has to be mutually beneficial on more than just a tangible level, not to discredit the exchange of tangible goods among friends.  If you are in a friendship that is a one way street of stress, anxiety or discomfort is it a real friendship.  It was a realization or me that people do not have friends that they don’t have a mutual positive regard for.  Whereas you can have family, officemates, peers that you dislike and even hate, but chances are you don’t have a friend you hate.  And, indeed that person would not even academically be able to be called your friend because they do not fit the criteria. 

The idea of a friendship criterion is followed by an understanding of what that means for how I interpret my relationships, and the relationships of others that I see.  If I see or am in a relationship must I apply the criteria to the situation to know what I am actually seeing, I think I must. 

This is, needless to say, an interesting topic for me to explore.  Friendship need and Types of friendships also peaked my interest.  The three types of friendships as described by Reisman, 1979, is a cool guide with which you can use to describe the life you live.  The three types of friendships are reciprocity, receptivity, and association. Reciprocal friendships are based on loyalty, warm feeling and a relationship of giving and receiving.  Receptive friendships are based on a power difference. Associative friendships are based on a casual relationship you might have.  This along with the variety of needs people have in their relationships, which are utility, ego support, stimulation, and security can paint a pretty accurate analyses of the relationships we will experience throughout the duration of our lives

Communication: Are you a good witch or are you a bad witch?

In class, we talked about group dynamics and how they impact our interactions both on and offline. As a psychology and sociology major, I find this area of study incredibly interesting. This semester, I'm taking an anthropology course on Biocultural Evolution, which discusses the interaction of our genes with culture, and views culture as a separately evolving entity. The Clark Doll Test comes to mind when I think about group dynamics and culture. In this study, Kenneth and Mamie Clark presented children of various races with both a black and a white doll, and asked them to present the doll which fulfilled the qualities that they listed. When asked which doll was "good," the majority of children (regardless of their race) presented the white doll. Good traits were associated with the white doll and bad traits were associated with the black doll. The interaction of culture and genes in grouping here is evidence. Naturally, we group people into those who are like and not like us, for various reasons that change with age and experience. We still have a tribal mentality, so grouping was once necessary for protection, but in modern day just leads to stereotyping. In this case, we naturally group people by races, and then we are taught what to think of these groups. This relates strongly to one of the major benefits of computer mediated groups: anonymity. When we converse online, we can choose not to present information about ourselves that may be associated with negative stereotypes. Perhaps we choose to hide our race, gender, religion, political affiliations, socioeconomic status, social status, school affiliation, career, etc. We are given the rare chance to share our opinions unburdened by others' assumptions about us. 

Another interesting component of group dynamics is deindividuation. Deindividuation allows us to view ourselves and others as part of groups, rather than as individuals. One example I see of this mentality on a regular basis if in football culture. When people start to talk about football, I generally notice that their tone of voice changes, their values change, and the game becomes the prevailing motivation for whatever the task at hand previously was. As we’ve seen to a devastating degree here at Penn State, having extreme dedication and loyalty to a team and a sport leaves a lot of room for error in other aspects of life. Sexual abuse was covered up here to save the game. In Florida, Jameis Winston was accused of rape and robbery, but the charges were largely ignored until the reason ended. Do all of the individuals believe that football is a more important cause than peoples’ livelihoods? Probably not, but since they were working as part of a group and not as in touch with themselves as individuals, the entire situation looked different. We act differently when we feel supported by and loyal to others, especially when those others are populations of players, fans, coaches, university officials, student bodies, etc. When it comes to interacting online, the anonymity of people allows them to say things that they don’t necessarily have to own. While anonymity can be beneficial in reducing stereotyping and judgments, it can negatively impact our decisions about what to say. The complexity of each of these characteristics both on and offline serve as an excellent example of the complexity of communication overall.

"Just A Screen to Keep You Warm at Night"

In today’s blog post, I am going to continue on with the discussion of online dating and maintaining online relationships. The information provided in this assignment is specific to an article I discovered titled, “Love In the Age of Digital Media: What drives Millennial Affection For Dating Apps.” Researchers have been asking numerous questions similar to this one since the obvious increase in the importance of technology from past to present. In researcher findings, they have discovered that the internet may become responsible for the “end of courtship.” Websites such as Tinder, Grindr, and Facebook are substituting what would have been a game of Spin the Bottle, or 7 minutes in Heaven. The New York Times proposed a thoughtful rebuttal stating that, “the gamification of the dating and mating scene was simply old pick-and-choose impulses dressed up in new technology.” In other words, courtship has not ended but instead is mediated online. With the convenience and comfort of technology there has been an increase in people seeking courtships online opposed to face to face. Exchanging information constantly online has aided in the normalization of self-disclosure to strangers, and also generating a new sense of trust. As with anything there are many pros and cons to the online dating fad. The pros included things such as convenience, and accessibility.  Software programs such as Skype and ooVoo, make it possible for those who are committed to long distances relationships to feel connectivity with their partners.  Technology and the internet have also made it possible for people to bring whoever they are communicating with their day. It is as simple as opening up an app on a smart phone and pressing call or chat.  Although the pros sound great, the cons are important to be taken into consideration. Some cons include an increase opportunity to deceive others (deception), come in contact with stranger danger, and experience a lack of physical interaction.

Many online users find that the internet is a safe haven for them. They have the ability to be who they want to be without the insecurities that comes with them. Often online, we portray ourselves in the light of our choice. This is a concept we discussed in class referred to as self-disclosure.  In my opinion, it is a way of advertising who you are as a person, and as we know it, advertisement is not always one-hundred percent honest. Internet users with online companions whom they never having met, typically form their own concepts of the person they are interacting with. In numerous instances there has been reporting that they were quite disappointed post meeting the person they were chatting to. They revealed that they preferred the person’s online self, superior to face to face. There is also an issue with stranger danger. As stated before, people advertise themselves in a light of their choice. They often tell you what they want and leave out what they do not want to disclose. This is dangerous for the receiver during the times of communicating. In class we learned that the receiver is more likely to believe what they are being told, leaving room for them to be deceived. There is no real way to read someone online unless you base your knowledge off of the other’s individual’s interaction with alternate users, and the alternative aspects they associate themselves with online besides you. It is at these times that physical interaction defeats the hype of technology. When communicating and dating someone via the internet, there is a major reduction in social cues. Body language is one of the most prominent ways we read someone, helping you to interpret how the sender wants the message to be conveyed. Social cues also are used in face to face interaction to determine if someone is being genuine, and without it we are somewhat lost. In my opinion, the development of technology has been fun, and innovating when it comes to a new way of communicating and connecting with others. BUT, I am not yet use to the idea of online dating personally. All in all , I would advise those who are engaging in this fad to be extremely cognizant of the dangers involved, and happy online dating!

Written by: Normani J. Marbury

Facebook and Self Esteem

When we talked about Facebook usage in class and its relationship with self-esteem, I actually realized that I noticed somewhat of a pattern with my Facebook friends. I noticed that some of my friends hardly made an appearance online, and while some were constantly on it. I've always wanted to know what caused some people to use Facebook as a crutch, and others just don't care for it at all.

I never really knew that using Facebook more usually means you have a low self-esteem, but it kind of makes sense. Speaking just for myself, I have high confidence and self-esteem, and while I check Facebook often out of boredom, I am very rarely active on it. I've noticed several friends posting just unnecessary things on Facebook all the time, and it's always made me curious what prompts someone to think "You know what, this waffle that I'm eating is so good; I think I want to tell all of my Facebook friends about it."

The only problem I have with this theory is that it doesn't specify age. For example, my mom and all of her cousins now have smartphones, and so because of the ease of access to Facebook, they are all constantly on Facebook. They mostly share others' posts and images, but I don't think it's because they all have low self-esteem; I just think they don't really think about it too much, Communicating in 2014 is much more different that communicating in 1970, and so I think they're all still getting used to the wonders of the internet.

So clearly you can overuse Facebook, but you can also abuse it, like Ashley Johnson and the other examples from the lecture. I once worked in an independent living home as a waitress, and one of our old workers was fired for taking a picture of a resident during dinner (without his knowledge) and posting it publicly on Facebook.

And two questions came to mind - One: do you really not care about your job or the privacy of the resident? And two: why the hell are you taking pictures of old men anyways? Some people generally do not know the difference between things you should keep private, and things you can share publicly.

Like the image from the lecture with the concentric circles, some things are more suited for Facebook friends, while there are some things that literally no one cares about. Well maybe except your mother. (That wasn't a "your mom" joke - there was a section in the circle for things that only your mom would care about). Yes, the internet is a wonderful and magical place that allows you to talk to 50 different people at once from all around the globe, but it also gives you access to all the memes you could ever want, and some just use it trivially.

And that's fine, of course it is, but humans have evolved for thousands of years and we've invented fire, the wheel, electricity, and we've even been to the moon (allegedly, for any conspirators out there).  And here we are in 2014, laughing at cat memes and playing Candy Crush. (I'm using "we" because it's just easier and just to be clear, I haven't personally been to the moon and I hate cat memes).

It all just seems kind of disappointing, to me at least. Yes, we are all still making advances in practically every field, but we've become more of a passive society, and I don't think that's going to turn out so well in a couple hundred years or so.

But I could be wrong. I've always been critical of the internet and what comes out of it, and what people put into it. I guess only time will tell how our collective passivity will affect the future.

The positives of Online groups

               I am very enthusiastic when it comes to posting in an online group discussing the topics that I feel passionate about. I am typically the most enthusiastic when it comes to discussing American football. It is so easy to find someone with similar interests on facebook. All I need to do is check out my home page and scroll through the posts and there will be hundreds of friends posting sports discussions in many different groups. A friend of mine from high school started a facebook group named “The Man Cave” to use for sports discussions (regarding the NFL, NBA, MLB, etc.) and added me to it a few months ago. In this group, we are allowed to be as positive and negative as we wish, as long as we respect other group members. Nonetheless, when posting in this group, I feel that I have a very high degree of anonymity, meaning that one will always be able to maintain a certain degree of invisibility, without needing to worry about being judged by others. There are only two people I actually know personally from this group and I can effectively vent all the “frustration” I may have whenever I feel like something did not land in my favorite team’s favor.

               As we have discussed in class regarding the likeliness of online aggression, I find that many people are using relatively brash language compared to how they would most likely talk to someone in person. The group’s members are not obligated to conform to the particular viewpoint of anyone else. I do not feel pressured at all to say a certain thing since nobody in the group sees me on a regular basis.

               Even though online groups such as the one I mentioned often frees people from the pressure to say a certain thing, there is undoubtedly a heavy amount of polarization. Members of the group become either very in favor of or very opposed to a certain viewpoint. For instance, in “The Man Cave”, there have been multiple posts regarding the recent situations surrounding Vikings Running Back Adrian Peterson and Ravens running back Ray Rice. The comments which follow these posts usually are say things such as “oh this *&^$%$#@ really deserved this punishment. He totally had it coming” or “What the heck is going on with the league? I thought they knew a much more mature and better way to handle this.”

               Despite the heated debates which can result from controversial posts such as the ones above, cohesion is always bound to exist. As discussed in our text, this concept means that group members try to stick together and want to help everyone else do the same. This is what prevents people from leaving an online group due to feeling unwelcome or inadequate. It is necessary in order for both online and face-to-face groups to remain working.  This is the sense which makes the group members feel proud about being in the group.

               A good example of this is the facebook group that my friends from Church here at Penn State have formed called “ACF Class of 201?”. In this group, members write posts about multiple interesting things happening in their lives. If there is anything in particular that is either bugging us or a question that has been lingering in our minds for a while, we are free to post it on the group page. There are always many people to read and comment on these posts, which makes everybody feel welcome and invited.

The Facebook Facade

Everyone knows that one couple who loves to post their mushy, gushy, adorable relationship online for everyone to see.  Studies have found that these people are actually the most disliked people on Facebook (not surprisingly).  From pictures to wall posts these couples love to make sure their friends know they're in a great, happy relationship.  Interestingly enough however, studies show that these happy couples may not be as happy as their posts suggest.  A study posted in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin followed couples listen in relationships on Facebook and had them keep a journal for two weeks where they wrote down how secure they were feeling in their relationships and what Facebook posts they made that day.  The study found that these people shared more statuses, pictures and posts about their partner when they were feeling romantically insecure.  The study reveals that Facebook is actually a really poor predictor of a couples happiness and how they are actually feeling.  Couples actually use the social media site to keep track of their partner and reassure themselves of their relationship.  

I think that this extends to people posting in general.  Personally I have this one Facebook friend (a women I used to babysit for) who likes to post EVERY THING about her life.  She loves to post bragging posts that are masked so they don't actually seem like she's bragging.  Or she likes to check in to places and talk about all the cool stuff she's doing.  In my opinion, this too could be similar to a reassurance of insecurities - she needs people to always comment and like her posts.  All in all people just need to realize that no one is actually that interested in what you're doing (besides maybe your mom) and that instead of making it look like you're in a cute happy relationship, actually work on being in one off of social media sites.  The amount of time people spend on Facebook actually correlates with how happy they are.  So now that we all know the truth behind the sappy posts, couples like that better watch out!

http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/relationships/facebook-relationship-insecurity-study

Stranger Danger

While growing up, the internet was one of the best things that could have existed for all teens everywhere. In the midst of the homework, peer pressure and mixes of puberty, the Internet and all it offered served as an escape from reality. We were finally able to play numerous games on the Disney Channel website, have Pokémon battles against one another, surf the web for never ending information, search the hottest hits of the 2000’s and listen to our favorite bands. While the Internet became the window to a whole new adventure, the greatest feat of its existence during our adolescent years was the creation and usage of Myspace and AOL instant messenger, popularly known as AIM.  The internet has changed the way we can communicate with one another and meet people with similar interests based on the sites we use. Our parents always warned us about the potential dangers of the internet, trying to monitor what we put online and limited our hours. Some of us listened to our parents and only added people to our friends list that we knew, while others decided to be as public as possible and welcomed anyone that wanted to be our friends. I happened to be one of the kids that did listen to my parents -- they taught me who I should and should not share information with, but that did not stop me from creating an alter-ego account.

MySpace was a popular site during my middle school years, used for keeping up to date with your favorite artists. Through MySpace, many kids my age prided themselves on being the first to discover hipster bands, making them the “cool kids” on the block. Myspace also made it possible, especially for kids who didn’t have cell phone access yet, to kept in touch with friends and classmates. It was the greatest feeling changing your layout with a trippy obnoxious color and pattern that best represents your personality, matching it with the best song and profile picture. I was one of those hardcore fan girls that had their own personal account as well as my fan girl account. I decked out my second account with Panic! At The Disco lyrics, pictures, quotes, videos, playlists, and anything else you could think of that was P!ATD related.

My mom ingrained in my head that I should not add random people because of the potential dangers of being “catfished” -- talking to someone online who is pretending to be someone else when they could potentially be 40-year-old serial killers or pedophiles. That did not stop me from discovering other people that have the same interests as me, having our love for P!ATD as the common denominator. My best friend and I created separate accounts and ended up with hundreds of fan friends. There were very few people that we truly connected with and those are the select people we gave our AIM usernames and personal MySpace accounts to to continue our communication and strengthen our relationships. Having the synchronous communication though AIM versus the asynchronous communication through MySpace allowed us to develop a deeper connection and understanding with our virtual friends.

Over the past few years, I have kept in contact with one girl named Vanessa through Instagram, SMS, Skype and Facebook thanks to MySpace. We bonded over our love for Panic! At The Disco and it developed into a great relationship where we check up on one another every once in a while. Because of the lack of nonverbal cues in the beginning of our relationship, we were able to become more personal through rich media. So it is ok to open up a bit more over the internet but with caution. We do not want to give away too much information with someone that we have not developed a strong enough bond with or visually seen in order to protect ourselves.

New groups forming based on the internet

We talked about groups in recent classes, what impressed me most is the social network analysis, this is a study of social relationships between individuals, mapping and structuring of network.

There are three main types of communication network groups we mentioned about, the first one is centralized group. In this model, there should have one leader, and take this leader as a central part, all other members are like branches and leaves, they send information message directly to the leader. I think this is quite common in our life, for example students turn their assignments to the drop box which is directly connected to the professor. It is said that the group members will have a lower satisfaction in this kind of group, however I think it is the best way to collect information from different members. It is quickly and convenience, and also good to be classified, the other members won’t know the message you send to the leader unless you actually tell them. The leader is easier to be reached so it is convenient to give everyone a chance to emphasis their sense of presence in the group by themselves.

The second kind is the chained network, which divided members to different levels from low to high, each member can reach the member who is only one level higher. We talked about the advantage of this model is everyone can find a place in the group, nearly all members can be input a whole system. However it is not easy for the lower level members to get to the top, they will feel lost in the group since they have a low status. This is the commonest system in China’s government or administration institutions, Chinese society is based on human relationship, if you meet some troubles and need to be solved by the government or police whatever, it is almost impossible to get the person who can actually help you if you don’t know someone in higher level of the system who can gets you through the back door. The process through the low level to the top level is so tedious that most people will give up during the process or just be sent away by the lower status members.

The third one is decentralized network group, which model looks like a five pointed star. In this group, everyone is available and equal, the member can talk to whatever they want without any limitation, so the interaction is easier to be conduct. The GroupMe App is the one that came into my mind when we talked about this concept. I was first download and be invited by my study group members in the sociology class this semester and I quickly fall in love with it. We use it to discuss project questions and do the review together before the exam. Everyone enjoy the time we spend together on this App and we even do the group evaluation based on the performance on the GroupMe instead of Face-to-Face group meeting. However, it’s also easier to have more extreme decision when we use this App, I am a shy person and more likely to simply follow what other member’s opinions, I’m afraid of expressing myself while typing because I don’t know if I’m on the right track. Everyone just typing on their cellphone without seeing other’s reaction. While doing FtF group meeting, members are trying to get everyone’s agreement when they put forward an idea, they will ask: “What do you think of it?” and looks to other’s facial expression to determine if there’s anyone who holds a different idea. This is what Reduced Social Cues Model has pointed out, is that when there’s no nonverbal cues in the group, the computer mediation is bad for the group process. What’s more, it will also make the group member has less pressure on their behavior. When using an internet, we can simply avoid talking to others and be lazy by using an excuse “Oh I didn’t see there’s a new message”. So I think a successful group should be combined, both online and offline, this may largely increase the efficiency while focusing on work. 

The Anonymity of Conformity

In class, we talked about anonymity as it applies to groups interacting online but in the general sense of the word, anonymity has to do with your identity being unknown to other people. When it comes to social media, I’m sure we can think of quite a few platforms that allow people to remain anonymous. One that immediately comes to mind, for several reasons, is Yik Yak. While you know where the people who are posting on Yik Yak go to school, you don’t know their gender (unless they specify in their yak) or who they are. Essentially, what gets posted on Yik Yak are nameless thoughts. So it almost seems like the thoughts people share are floating messages that could belong to anyone. That yak that you took the time to upvote or downvote could have been posted by your roommate, a close friend, someone who sits next to you in class or maybe even an instructor. The possibilities are endless. Nonetheless, it is not that hard to find out who posted what on Yik Yak or any social media application that encourages anonymity, for that matter. With the right technology and resources, the poster of a yak can be found. This was proven much recently with a certain incident that happened here on campus that I’m sure everyone is familiar with. The point is, Yik Yak and platforms like it are popular because it allows people to feel like they are free from the constraints that come with having your identity displayed publicly as well as it gives them freedom from responsibility.

When people see your face, know your name, and can find out anything about you just by following you on Twitter or any social networking site where your thoughts and feelings are not separate from your identity, you are responsible (unless you don’t care) for what you say or what kinds of pictures you post because you never know who might see it. A potential job or internship or graduate school you’re interested in might see something that you post online publicly and think it is inappropriate. Things like that can really mess up your chances of getting a certain position or gaining admittance into your dream program. This is why, I think, social platforms like Yik Yak have become so popular among college students across the country. College students are able to say anything they want (within reason, of course) and they don’t have to worry about the consequences that come with saying something completely racist or something that is hurtful to someone else.

I only downloaded Yik Yak because a friend told me that I should check it out. Me being curious about the craze over this application, I put it on my phone and immediately became one with the thoughts of the people around me. While there were some yaks that were funny, there were also ones that were mean, racist, and a lot of them had a similar tone. You would think most of the things posted on Yik Yak were written by the same person because quite a lot of them are similar in topic and they seem to play off of what other people are saying. This reminds me of conformity, the tendency for one’s beliefs to be affected by prevailing beliefs. I can’t say that people are automatically influenced by other yaks because I’m not there whenever people upvote a particular yak or post one that is similar to the one that they liked. I do, however, believe that there is a sense of public compliance. This term falls under the umbrella of conformity and basically, what I think happens is: people may not really agree with what’s being said but they’ll go along with the popular opinion because they get rewarded with upvotes and while this kind of compliance isn’t public (in terms of your identity being known), the ability to leave comments to interact with other people makes it public enough. A few weeks ago, one of my friends showed me one of the yaks she posted and it was about Rutgers. She thought she had came up with something really witty but when I asked her if she really disliked Rutgers, she told me no and that she only posted it because everyone else was doing it. Take from that what you will but, ultimately, anonymous compliance exists.

Cyber Sex: The newest form of cheating?

Social media has given people a great outlet for communication. It has open a world to new friends, new stories, new relationships, new sex? Once picture messaging became available on smart phones, people started to discover a whole new way to have "sex".  Cyber sex is defined as two or more people engaging in sexually explicit messages or photos over the computer. This created a whole new world to people who may or may not ever had real intimacy. Chat rooms became popular for people to interact and develop online relationships and then participate in cyber sex.
           Are there any advantages to Cyber Sex? With any new form of technology, even cyber sex there are advantages and disadvantages to it. For some people this may mean that they can hide behind a computer screen and express who they really are through chat rooms, online dating and eventually cyber sex. Some people may even enjoying moving from partner to partner and never feeling like they were in a "real relationship" or it was "meaningless". For others, this may be a great way to prevent unwanted pregnancy, or STD's. By having cyber sex there is no real contact, so you can avoid human diseases and even harm.
          What does Cyber Sex cost someone who is in a relationship? When a person in a real life, face to face relationship, and one partner choose to have Cyber Sex, is that cheating? There a new territories that some couples had to figure out. Just like a Porn addiction, is a cyber sex addition cheating to some people? With any form of sexual experience some type of emotion is usually involved: passion, or infidelity, or happiness. When it comes to "cyber sex cheating", which is worse Emotional or Sexual Infidelity? An article written on September 25, 2014 answers these questions. They raise questions that no matter how someone cheats, it still is cheating. When one person partakes in cheating, being on the cyber platform or with a person with real intercourse, they are breaking their trust with their partner. Is the cyber sex worth it? Some partner may never ever find out that their significant other is cheating, there are some strategies to hiding the infidelity. People can always delete anything web history on their computers, smart phones or tablets. In the end, what does cheating cost that relationship? It will only break the barrier of trust and harm the relationship in the end.
         There is another side to Cyber Sex, just like a Pornography addiction, an addiction to Cyber Sex is very serious. Some people are harming themselves and other because of their addictions. This addiction, can be very serious because people that you may know, could be hiding their real life from you, just like a drug addict would. "The Sexual Recovery Institute (SRI) is a specialty therapy agency directed toward the treatment of sexual addiction. SRI provides local programs for individuals and couples residing all over Southern California while also hosting persons seeking intensive treatment from throughout The United States and abroad."This program can help people handle their addiction and potentially end their addiction all together.
          Some people online are using cyber sex with their long distant relationships while others are struggling with a pornography and cyber sex addiction. This new form of technology, web cameras, "sexting", explicit imagines, video chatting and chat rooms all have their advantages and disadvantages. Realizing that there are going to be disadvantages and advantages to any type of activity someone partakes in, helps remove the risk of being harmed and harming others.

This website is a Cyber Sexual Addiction website, they have a self help exam, blogs, links that can help someone who is battling with this form of addiction.
http://www.cybersexualaddiction.com/
This article is the article defining different forms of cheating and how cyber sex can be cheating to some couples.
http://www.itscheating.com/cheating/men-and-women-see-cheating-differently/#more-1091

Online Identities: Help or hurt hiring process?

In today's world, the way we portray ourselves has moved from visual and face to face experiences to mostly online social interactions.  We use online interactions almost everyday to communicate with people, express our feelings, post blogs, and pretty much whatever else we want to do.  As this process continues to happen we develop a certain online identity that people notice us by. The problem with this is, do we develop different identities in person and online?

There are several different media outlets that we can use to develop these identities.  Whether it be through a social media outlet like facebook or twitter; a blog, or any other social forum where you can express your thoughts and views.   The way that we portray ourselves on these outlets can have both good and bad consequences.  The identity we decide to show online can affect the way that people view and interact with us when we do meet face to face.  People are expecting us to act a certain way based off our online identity, whether it be good or bad, and are going to judge us for that.  The complication comes when the identity we portray online is completely different then who we are in person. Sometimes we portray an identity online for fun or just to joke around but once we put that stuff out there, its there for good.  This can become a problem when we apply for jobs.  Employers are starting to look at our social profiles and online identities more and more to see what we are like.  An article by fox business (http://www.foxbusiness.com/personal-finance/2013/06/03/what-your-social-media-reputation-says-to-employers/) explains that more and more employers are looking at our "digital footprints" or marks we have left on the internet.  These marks we make can have a great impact on making or breaking a job opportunity.  The article explains that college students are at the greatest risk for this because our generation are the ones that jumpstarted this whole social media thing.  Employers are especially looking for the language we use and the pictures that we post.  Sometimes these things can prevent us from even being called in for an interview. People are finding that employers are going to social media directly before even worrying about a resume or qualifications.

Our online identities are becoming increasingly more prevalent and important in everyday life, including getting hired for a job.  Although our online identities can hurt us getting a job, they can also help. Many people have a preconceived view that college kids social media profiles are going to be all about partying and drinking but if we can somehow portray a different image of who we really are, employers are going to respect that alot more.  This can also give us the edge against someone who either does not have a social media profile or portrays themselves negatively.

Facebook for Me

Why Facebook?

            The ‘correct’ answers to this question depend on each individual, and I am pretty sure that they can add up to thousands depending on which defining qualities a person is fond of. Some might think of it as a good way to keep in touch with their high school mates. Some might see it as a way to find a group of people with the same interest, to hook up with someone nearby, to gain attention from the public, or as simply as because everyone does it. As a social network, Facebook does an incredible job, beating other previous popular sites like Hi5. For me, Facebook initially started off as a way to keep in touch with my family. However, my definition of it gradually changed, and have become something entirely different in the recent years.

Back in 2009 I decided to spend one year away from home as an exchange student, and my country of choice is the United States. Back then, my only known way of synchronous communication (apart from phones of course) was MSN, which I was never really into it and my folks back home found it too complicated. My aunt, seemingly the most technologically-aware among all of us, then suggested Facebook. Facebook back then was nothing like today; as I can remember, there was only a wall post and that’s pretty much it, not even a chat box. I reluctantly registered an account, one for myself and one for my parents. This way, my aunt said, my parents could leave any words they have for me and I can log in, read it and response when I have time. I was not paying too much attention back then, because apart from gaming I was not using computers for anything else.

However, after I spent some time in the United States, my opinion towards Facebook changed tremendously. I don’t know if it’s a hype or not, but it seems like every single one in my high school has a Facebook, even teachers. After that I become more concerned about my identity on Facebook. I crafted my profile page quite carefully, and I spent time to choose pictures to upload rather than shove in a whole album of 200 pictures like I used to do. (My purpose back then was just to share them with my folks back home) When I got back to Thailand, I became an avid Facebook user, at least in my sense.

Facebook then grew strong and steady after that. As of now, I don’t frequently update a status anymore. Instead, I spent my time gradually receiving and digesting events that happen around me and especially back home in Thailand. Pages and interest groups now become a new thing for me to explore, and there always are interesting stuffs which I can comment and discuss on. Facebook, if used right, can maintain a certain level of privacy when commenting, resulting in a relatively respectful posts and comments because the public still know who you are. This aspect of Facebook also prevents users from total deindividuation, a phenomenon in which the individuals are consumed by the group, and polarization of their opinions. I believe Facebook can be a great place of discussion, along with its main purpose: to connect you with your friends as well as the world.

I Know What a Nipple Looks Like, Can I See Your Face?

Okay, everyone, I have a confession to make. I—Aaron Kreider—am a registered homosexual. *Gasps* I know, it came as a shock to me too. Not really, I’ve known for a pretty long time. In fact, I’m not coming out with this post. I’ve been out of the closet for about a year or so. But the reason I say I am now officially a registered homosexual is because of the literal gay registry that floods college campuses and cities alike: Grindr. That’s right, I finally have a Grindr account. For those of you who don’t know what Grindr is, it’s most simply described as Tinder but for gays. Gay people can use Tinder, too; but Grindr is exclusively for queer men. The biggest difference between the two, however, is you don’t have to ‘match’ with someone on Grindr. You just see the people that are closest to you that also have a Grindr account.

Now for my account, I put a nice picture of me smiling and a small description: I like Netflix, going outdoors, and swimming. But compared to most of the accounts on Grindr, my account is a stark contrast. There are so many profiles that either don’t have a photo or the photo is just of a naked torso. At first, I was so confused as to why someone wouldn’t want to present himself in the most accurate way the confines of the app would allow. But then I remembered what we talked about in class. The way the Internet has impacted our forms of socialization and the implications that can have. The biggest impact that socialization has had is the availability of anonymity on the Internet. On the Internet, you can be anyone. I’m reminded of the famous comic, “On the internet, no one knows you’re actually a dog.” It’s funny, but rings with a lot of truth. With the availability of anonymity, you have to option to present yourself as anyone you want to be.

As we’ve seen with shows like Catfish, we actually see that it happens a lot more than we think it does. People use anonymity to their advantage or to just straight up trick people. (I highly suggest reading that article). This just further proves that people use these tools to their advantage to be whomever the wish. In my opinion, misrepresenting yourself is lying. And lying is bad. But I’d love to know what ya’ll think. Is this aspect of anonymity a good thing that allows us even more freedom? Or is it a way to lie and potentially hurt or fool other people?

OTHER RELEVANT ARTICLES:

            http://www.queerty.com/should-daniel-simmons-be-deemed-a-rapist-if-teen-lied-about-his-age-on-grindr-20140506

http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/the-northerner/2013/dec/05/northern-lass-online-dating-tinder-height-difference

Annoying posts cause Regret

Everyone who has a Facebook or had one in the past knows about the inescapable annoying posts. You go to check your news feed to see if there’s anything interesting or relevant to you going on out there but instead you find yourself painfully scrolling through nonsense. Annoying posts can range from a variety of different topics such as unnecessary brags, incredibly obvious opinions, a step toward enlightenment, and even literal status updates. Those last two have to be some of the worst kinds of posts though, “taking a shower, text me” or “Everyone should smile. Life really isn't that serious. We make it hard. The sun rises. The sun sets. We just tend to complicate the process.” That particular post, the step toward enlightenment, was one I found on my Facebook news feed this morning and the ironic thing about it, is that the person who posted this is one of the least likely people you should take advise from. The terrifying thing about these annoying posts is that they don’t only exist on Facebook, these kinds of posts can be found all over social networking sites, and are just as annoying there as they are here.  

                These posts can be so obvious and/or annoying that there are times where I actually regret having and falling into the trap that is Facebook. This actually brings me to the next concept, which is Facebook and regrets. I’m not much of a status updater or leave comments on Facebook so I don’t have much that I regret on my Facebook, with the exception of a few heinous pictures. I don’t use my Facebook much but I’m sure those who do have much more regrets than I do. These regrets can stem from a post that shouldn't have been shared, a comment made about a picture, or even the picture itself. Another post I saw this morning on my Facebook feed was a photo of a girl I knew in high school and her new tattoo. This tattoo was a tattoo of the phrase “NO REGRETS” across her chest but instead it reads “NO RAGRETS,” like from the movie We’re the Millers. If you've seen the movie, it’s a really funny scene when they show this character and his tattoo but it’s funny because he is so serious about the tattoo. This tattoo isn't necessarily something I would put on myself and for those who haven’t seen the movie, this tattoo could come off as really stupid. This girls is also the type that could be seen making a mistake like having her tattoo misspelled. Many of these embarrassing moments on Facebook can be deleted or hidden from the public but unlike regrets online, regrets offline usually can’t be taken back. In the case of the girl I went to high school with, although kind of funny, I feel she will grow to regret getting that tattoo which will lead to regretting flaunting it on Facebook. Unfortunately due to the permanent nature of tattoo, she will have to live with this regret offline as well. 

On a Scale of 1 to Shallow

It's no secret that the digital age has completely turned the dating world upside down. The number of ways to open your web and find new people are basically endless, and I doubt I could name more than about one friend who hasn't experimented with this new technology. When my parents asked how I met my current boyfriend and I told them Tinder, they had no clue what I was talking about. After I explained, they, as always, went on a rant about how "no one meets the old-fashioned way" and how everyone in this generation is so shallow, "matching" with a person based on their good looks. I never thought of Tinder as shallow until this conversation, but I then realized it literally is based on looks: swipe right if you think they're hot, swipe left if no. This realization was conveniently followed by a New York Times article I found on Tinder, basically discussing how looks are everything on this app. The article went into the differences between most dating sites and Tinder-you put next to know information about yourself other than one or two brief sentences. Matches are made solely through judging appearances, which at face value sounds pretty bad on this generation's behalf. 

However, the reason I liked this article was that it wasn't "hating" on Tinder for being this way. I personally think the person who created it is a genius. Tinder gets straight to the point; it's basically "Hey, do you find this person attractive? They found you attractive too, now talk to each other." People who match are able to start a conversation afterward, and that's where personalities, interests, etc. can come through-pretty similar to meeting someone in real life. If you think about it, the in-person dating scene is just like Tinder. As discussed in class, appearances give a huge first impression. As much as we would all hate to admit it, finding someone attractive or not is probably a huge deciding factor in whether we want to pursue them. Just like on Tinder, in real life, we would rather strike up a conversation with someone we find attractive rather than someone that just doesn't do it for us. What's on the inside is ultimately what counts, but attraction does play a huge part in any relationships. People are just as "shallow" in real life when it comes to appearances as they are on dating websites-why else would dating websites require a photo? Whether it's on Tinder or in person, after you begin a conversation and start getting to know a person, their attraction may not matter so more if their personality isn't what you were looking for. There's no embarrassing rejection, either; if someone who swiped right for you but you weren't interested and swiped left for them, they'll never know. 

To me, Tinder is a huge positive for the dating world. It's just an easier way to meet people close to you, and the "shallowness" fades away once you get to know the people and judge them on what really matters. If the two decide they want to meet in real life, that coveted old-fashioned way comes back. I don't think the old-fashioned way really even went away; we're just putting a more convenient twist on it. The article mentioned couples who met through Tinder who are engaged, and I can't even count on one hand the number of couples I know personally who met through it. The older generation may think we're crazy, but I think they'll think differently when they attend or hear of weddings between two people who met on a shallow dating app.

Article: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/25/fashion/on-a-phone-app-called-tinder-looks-are-everything.html?_r=0